So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
