is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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