Don't make out with my wife yet
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
