his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Farmville is her only friend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
