I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
