TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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