im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
