happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
