I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
