This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
