Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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