Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
