how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
