You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
