I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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