I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize