my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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