Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i think my cat just said my name.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
