Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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