There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
