he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
