I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
