I'm really into asian looking animals
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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