you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
