It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
