We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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