i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
