Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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