I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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