Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
