I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
