He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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