I love black thongs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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