You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
