I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
