goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
