you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
