You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
