I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
