oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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