So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
