I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
