you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
