wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
