i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
