When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
