Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
