quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
