Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize