after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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