one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize