How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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