i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
