Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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