Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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