He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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