i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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