and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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