marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
