Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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