also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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