She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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