Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am naked and annoyed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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