Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize