is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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