You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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