wanna go halves on a baby?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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