i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
