is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
