No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize