Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
