i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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