Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
