sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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