I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
