I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
