TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
even my farts smell like vagina
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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