i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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