i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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