'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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