worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
