she woke up with a sticky ear
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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