I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
50% drunk capacity currently
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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