if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
