i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
