Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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