Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
