who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize