capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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