I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
