I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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