I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
