Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
