literally had 100 drinks last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
