i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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