On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
