Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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