I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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