Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A bitchslap is in order.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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