You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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