I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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