I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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