my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
