I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
