I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
