u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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