a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize