I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
