It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize