carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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