Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
