i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize